Ever ask how your child is doing and they give you the ultimate no-information response — “Fine”?
There are a lot of reasons kids, like adults, choose this simplistic answer. And for many families, the practice of stopping and actually checking in with each other’s emotions may be new.
Emotional health check-ins take time and practice. But doing so builds strong relationships and communication, along with supporting your child’s emotional well-being.
“Identifying emotions is important for social-emotional learning and a skill that young people will use for life,” says Kate Endries, LMSW, National Director of Trauma-Informed Practice, Boys & Girls Clubs of America. “Some of the benefits include improved academic performance, decreased emotional distress, decreased behavior problems and increased positive attitudes.”
What Are Emotional Check-ins?
Emotional check-ins are a simple tool that youth, parents and teachers can use to pause, reflect and identify emotions. These intentional activities can be done one-on-one with your kid or in a group setting, like in a classroom or at the dinner table.
Check-ins can be formal and structured, or informal and on the fly. The important thing is you are helping kids to intentionally identify, reflect on and share their emotions.
Remember, emotional check-ins may not come naturally for everyone. Some people wear their heart on their sleeve and others need to do some digging to recognize how they’re feeling. Plus, when you’re a kid, learning “emotion words”— the vocabulary of how you’re feeling — is all new.
Most importantly, for emotional check-ins to be successful you need to create a safe environment where kids can be vulnerable.
Just like anything, emotional check-ins get easier with practice.
“The most important thing parents and caregivers can do when supporting their child’s mental health is to consistently and proactively engage them in open dialogue about their lives, emotions, and challenges,” says Endries. “It is critical that youth know who to go to in times of need and feel safe doing so.”
Why Are Emotional Check-ins Important?
There are many reasons why emotional health check-ins are important for kids and teens. Here are a few of the benefits:
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- Kids learn to identify their emotions. Many kids and teens struggle to identify and express their emotions in a healthy way. Emotional check-ins can help young people understand their emotions and how they’re affected by them.
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- Kids develop strategies for managing their emotions. Everyone experiences negative emotions from time to time. Emotional check-ins help kids learn when to use coping mechanisms for managing intense emotions. Healthy coping strategies might include deep breathing, positive self-talk, writing in a journal or finding someone to talk to.
- Build supportive relationships. When kids feel comfortable expressing their emotions, they are more likely to build supportive relationships with others. Creating emotionally-safe spaces allows kids to feel more comfortable sharing their feelings and moods with parents, teachers and counselors.
5 Ideas for Emotional Check-ins for Kids
Emotions check-ins provide fun, engaging ways to identify feelings. Here are some emotional check-in questions to get kids thinking about how they’re feeling:
Other ideas include creating an “emotional check-in chart.” Have kids create it with you, using colors or images that show a full range of emotions. Classrooms and Clubs can also help establish a routine for a daily emotions check-in — this often sets the day off right as everyone knows how each other is feeling.
How to Support Kids’ Emotions
When using emotional check-ins, it is important to respond appropriately to what is shared.
If you had a busy night of activities planned, but your child just expressed they’re going through some tough feelings, it might be valuable to shift your evening to spending time together, relaxing or relieving stress.
Adults don’t need to jump into action or try to “fix” young people’s negative feelings — you just need to be there for your child, to listen and understand.
“If you sense your child is struggling with their mental or emotional health, find ways to express your concern in a calm and non-judgmental way,” advises Endries. “This builds their trust in you as a safe person to discuss their feelings with, good and bad.”
After emotions are expressed, it’s time to help your child learn how to keep their emotions in check. For managing intense emotions, here are some healthy coping mechanisms you can share and model with your child:
- Go for a walk or go outside for some fresh air
- Try deep breathing
- Journal, draw or use art to express emotions
The Bottom Line
Ultimately, it’s important for youth to know that it is OK to feel how they are feeling — everyone experiences a range of emotions every single day. It’s normal to feel sad, excited, angry, calm or nervous every day, multiple times a day. What matters most is how youth cope with these feelings. Learning to identify and share emotions is a huge lesson that kids and teens will use for life. It’ll support their overall health and well-being, as well as build stronger communication and relationships.
